Overheard in the Sacristy

Utah store has bone to pick with shoplifting dog

MURRAY, Utah – A thief remains at large after pulling off a daring heist — in the pet food aisle.

Surveillance video at a supermarket in this Salt Lake City suburb caught a dog shoplifting, KSL-TV reported Wednesday.

The video showed the dog walking in the front door of Smith’s Food & Drug in Murray, and heading straight to Aisle 16, the pet food aisle, where it grabbed a bone worth $2.79.

The thief wasn’t even perturbed by a face-to-face confrontation with store manager Roger Adamson.

“I looked at him. I said ‘Drop it!’” Adamson said. “He looked at me, and I looked at him, and he ran for the door and away he went, right out the front door.”

Last night, after Mass, I felt a well-deserved dose of antibiotics and pain killer awaiting me at home. In my haste trying to back out of having been hemmed-in my space, another car got in my way. Just a flesh wound I thought. No big deal. Not a scratch on me. Wrong!

Police were called—FlAsHiNg LiGhTs—Witnesses made statements—AlL pOiNtS bUlLeTiNs—Missing perp.

Crowds gather. “Move along. Nothing to see here,” says the officer.

“License, registration and insurance card please.” “Give this report number to your insurance.” “Thank you. Have a nice evening.” “You too, Officer.”

Handshake. Apologies for the inconvenience.

Whoa! At least I didn’t spend the night in lockup.

Boy, this is going to be great gossip! “Did you hear what Father did?”

All this for a broken taillight.

My forgetter’s getting better,
But my rememberer is broke
To you that may seem funny
But, to me, that is no joke

For when I’m ‘here’ I’m wondering
If I really should be ‘there’
And, when I try to think it through,
I haven’t got a prayer!

Oft times I walk into a room,
Say ‘what am I here for?’
I wrack my brain, but all in vain!
A zero, is my score.

At times I put something away
Where it is safe, but, Gee!
The person it is safest from
Is, generally, me!

When shopping I may see someone,
Say ‘Hi’ and have a chat,
Then, when the person walks away
I ask myself, ‘who in the world was that?’

Yes, my forgetter’s getting better
While my rememberer is broke,
And it’s driving me plumb crazy
And that isn’t any joke.

–Author unknown

A Day in the Life.

Today seemed very different, but, at the same time, very familiar.

The morning started with my Altar Server telling me that half my face seemed swollen as though I had had a stroke. [Begin sarcasm] Wonderful! I thought. [End sarcasm] I took a look in the mirror and yes, the left side of my face was swollen. I think I have an abscessed tooth. Pressure on my upper jaw brought pain. [Begin sarcasm] Great! I thought. [End sarcasm] How will I find a dentist to treat me on a Friday? Call my primary care I thought. So I did. Of course his number is on speed dial. But his service isn’t. Since it was before his office hours I had to leave a message. Biretta on. 8:00 a.m. Sharp! “Introibo ad altare Dei.”

Offering it up.

“Most Sacred Heart of Jesus, have mercy on us.” OK. First Mass finished. Second Mass in fifteen minutes. “Maybe the doctor will call and leave a message.” [sarc on] “Yeah. Right!” [sarc off]

OK. Second Mass finished. Coffee time…dark roast…mocha cappuccino…extra shot of caffeine…mmmmm. Doc doesn’t call.

First (scheduled) meeting of the day: Christmas décor. Nativity here. Poinsettias here. Tree here. Wreath here. Candles inside. Lights outside. See how easy?

“Father. Two cases of calendars are missing,” says the Exec. Assist. “That’s the last thing I need to worry about today. Our Lady of Guadalupe procession at 5:00 p.m., City to close the streets. Bilingual Mass at 6:00 p.m. Reception at 7:30p.m. Pinata at 8:00” mumbles Himself to Himself. “Homily. Prayers of the Faithful. Etcetera. Etcetera. Etcetera.” Where’s my coffee? OK. “I’ll look around.”

I walk to the front office. BIG MISTAKE!

Offering it up.

“Padre. Quiero hablar contigo.” “Bien.” “El 2 de noviembre—el Dia de los Muertos—te di 40 dolares para misas para mi esposo. He oido su nombre solamente dos veces.” …So I get out the Mass Intention book and giver her the dates for 10 Masses to be said for the husband’s soul. (Four bucks, not bad in this economy.) May he rest in peace.

I go back to the front desk where one parishioner tugs at my sweater, another speaks loudly into my ear. I suddenly felt like Luke 8:45-48. [Reader: Your assignment...]

Offering it up.

I walk back to my office having forgotten why I had made my way to the front. “Did you find the calendars?” asks the Exec. Assist. “Oh. That’s why I was up front.” I reply.

I search every room of the parish complex…no calendars. Well, they were nice. $10 on the open market I’d say. OOOOO…$1250…[insert light bulb image here] Fundraising Idea!

I once again mumble…homily..prayers…pinata.

Offering it up. No…call the doctor again…get meds…better living through chemicals…the pain grows with every passing minute. OFFER IT! OK. OK. Offering it up.

Spanish homily. Check.

Prayers of the Faithful. Check.

[Mental note] Give homily to Exec. Assist. She can translate it to English.

Lunchtime. Go home. Snooze. Can’t snooze; face hurts too much. Offfffffferrrrringggg!

Call doctor. Check.

“I’m sorry. He’s been very busy with patients,” says the sweet voice. “Wait, honey…I am a patient,” replies the swollen-faced old padre. “I will eagerly await his call. Thank you,” says the rapidly aging cleric. “Off…off…off…Why hast Thou forsaken me?”

Is it too late to go to Urgent Care? Yeah. Too late.

5:00 p.m. Procession. Decorated float. Virgin Mary. St. Juan Diego. One Knight of Columbus Honor Guard. U.S. Flag. Mexico Flag. Guadalupe Standard. Candles. Little Juan Diegos. Strollers. Faithful. Peoria Police Escort. “Santa Maria, Madre de Dios.” People honk. Priest and Deacon following. People honk. I wave.

Yay. The doctor called. Left message. Pick up meds after Mass. Yay.

6:00 p.m. Mass numero tres today. Organ. Bells. Honor Guard. Crucifer. Virgin Mary. San Juan Diego. Deacon. Priest. Faithful. “La Guadalupana, La Guadalupana, La Guadalupana de Tepeyac.” Gloria in Excelsis Deo. Bilingual homily. Trilingual Mass. O, Sanctissima. Sanctus. Sanctus. Sanctus. Agnus Dei. Ave Maria. [No need in offering it up...no pain...I'm in heaven] Corpus Christi. Thank yous abound. Benedicat vos Omnipotens Deus. “Adios, Reina del Cielo”

7:59 p.m. Take one three times a day for seven days. Monitor your glucose. Happy Holy Days. (There was a menorah in the window.)

8:15 p.m. Menudo. Posole. Pan Dulce. Birotes. Enchiladas. Hot Dogs. Chocolate. Salsa. Etcetera. Etcetera. “Hey, where’s the pinata?”

Must blog.

Must blog.

Must blog.

“Many Souls Released from Purgatory Today” should be the headline…still offering.

UPDATE Saturday 121308

Thank you all for your prayers and kind comments. The swelling and a bit of pain is simply an annoyance, for there is still much work to be done in the Vineyard of the Lord. I’m headed to the parish for confessions and evening Mass. A visit before the Blessed Sacrament is also on the agenda. May God continue to bless you all.